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Песок сыпучий по колени... (English translation)

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Russian

Песок сыпучий по колени...

Песок сыпучий по колени...
Мы едем - поздно - меркнет день,
И сосен, по дороге, тени
Уже в одну слилися тень.
 
Черней и чаще бор глубокий -
Какие грустные места!
Ночь хмурая, как зверь стоокий,
Глядит из каждого куста!
 
Submitted by St. Sol on Mon, 05/02/2018 - 01:02
Submitter's comments:

Октябрь 1830.

Align paragraphs
English translation

Loose Dirt And Sand Up To The Kneecaps...

Loose dirt and sand up to the kneecaps...
We ride, it's late, the day grows dark,
The pine tree shadows covered thin gaps
And merged into one shadow mark.
 
The thickets're getting darker, lines're creased -
More rueful place just can't be found!
And gloomy night, like hundred-eyed beast,
Looks out from every bush around!
 
© St.Sol @ LT: all rights reserved.
-
Ok, I get it that most of you just can't bring yourselves
to press "Thank you" when you have already enjoyed
and probably sung an equirhythmic rhymed translation
and then realized that you couldn't have done a better
one yourself. Yet, avoiding this gesture implicitly helps
to promote other, often subpar work on this site. St.
Submitted by St. Sol on Mon, 05/02/2018 - 01:48
Author's comments:

Equirhythmic rhymed translation.
-
The running meter:
[ -^ -^ -^ -^- ]
[ -^ -^ -^ -^ ]

Comments
petit élève    Mon, 05/02/2018 - 01:55

I find this "apace" a bit odd. What about "from every bush around" and "dreary ground" for the rhyme instead?

St. Sol    Mon, 05/02/2018 - 02:02

Accepted with some editing. Thanks!

petit élève    Mon, 05/02/2018 - 02:08

My pleasure.
Don't pay attention to these stupid stats. You're doing a beautiful job, and I'm sure I'm not the only one to think so.