Raubtier - Leviatan (English translation)

Proofreading requested
English translation

Leviathan

See the facades wither under hydrogen corrosions
See the ruins testify about faulty decisions
Pale shadows point at the civilizations
Which finally have been rooted out by icecold power abuse
 
We gather under nothern lights to behold the consequence
We awaited the redeemer which never ever came
We don't listen to prudence nor to sanity1
Now we stand at the point where we can't turn back anymore
 
Never turn back
 
I hate many things on our godforsaken earth
but more than a whole lot of other things I hate the nice words
which deceive us from a cloven tongue to rely on the beast,
that which worships Leviathan I hate the most
 
Leviathan
Leviathan
 
One chooses to deny good and all religions
People trust common humans which say they knew more
We are led kinda like a pack of sheep by the nice sounds of a shepherd
towards an open slaugherhouse which no one of us sees
 
A free man is a hated man who, marginalized,
gets grinded by the unadorned Grótti-mill of paragraphs2
and slowly suffocated to death and ground up, as planned
incapacitated and bereft of his children
 
What will these children become?
 
I hate many things on our godforsaken earth
but more than a whole lot of other things I hate the nice words
which deceive us from a cloven tongue to rely on the beast,
that which worships Leviathan I hate the most
 
One attunes, conforms, into the thrall of the grey mass
Accepts, consumes, exists without spirit
 
I hate many things on our godforsaken earth
but more than a whole lot of other things I hate the nice words
which deceive us from a cloven tongue to rely on the beast,
that which worships Leviathan I hate the most
 
Leviathan
Leviathan
Leviathan
Leviathan
 
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Submitted by Sciera on Thu, 08/05/2014 - 20:46
Added in reply to request by GhostOps21
Last edited by Sciera on Wed, 21/03/2018 - 17:56
The author of translation requested proofreading.
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Swedish

Leviatan

More translations of "Leviatan"
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Comments
vildanden    Sat, 04/04/2015 - 17:59

"Den som hyllar Leviatan hatar jag mest" means, "Those who worship Leviathan, I hate the most".

"Man väljer att förneka gud och alla religioner" means "We chose to deny God and all religions"

Sciera    Sat, 04/04/2015 - 20:28

Thanks for your comment.
But, according to dictionaries, "den" means "it", not "they", and "man" means "man" or "one", not "we", so I wonder why you'd translate those lines in that way.
About the meaning of "hyllar" you of course are correct, I'll change that in my translation.

Blueblood    Tue, 20/03/2018 - 22:13

This is a really nice translation, Sciera. I only have a few suggestions on how it could be improved. Here they are:
1. "... under vätekorrosioner" = "... under hydrogen corrosions" / "... under hydrogen embrittlement".
2. "... vittna om felaktiga beslut" = "... testify about faulty decisions".
3. "... civisilationer" = "... civilisations".
4. "Som genom iskallt maktmissbruk till sist har rotats ut" = "Which have finally been exterminated through ice-cold malfeasance" [Note: Your translation of this particular line isn't necessarily incorrect. It's just that I would have chosen to translate it differently.].
5. "... frälsaren ..." = "... the saviour ...".
6. "Vi lyssnar ej till sansen eller till intelligensen" = "We don't listen to [our] senses or [our] intellect". [Note: Again, your translation isn't inaccurate; just different from what I'd do.]
7. "En fri man är en hatad man som marginaliserad" = "A free man is a hated man who, marginalized,".
8. "Blir mald av paragrafers ansiktslösa grottekvarn" = "Gets grinded by the unadorned Grótti of paragraphs" [See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grottas%C3%B6ngr (the term "grottekvarnen", while colloquially used as the Swedish equivalent of a "treadmill" (i.e. something that makes you do a lot of repetitive work while only allowing you little to no real progress), has its roots in the poem Grottasöngr and feels like an important part of this song, which makes me believe that the translation that I suggested might me more appropriate)].
9. "Och långsamt kvävd till döds och enligt planen reducerad" = "And slowly suffocated to death and obscured, [just] as planned".

Sciera    Wed, 21/03/2018 - 08:40

Thanks for the feedback!

1. That's mainly a matter of how to express it in English. I don't know which version would be chosen by a native but "under hydrogen corrosions" doesn't sound wrong at least.
2.-3. Corrected.
4. I do see a difference in meaning, though. "until the last" means something different from "finally". Can "till sist" mean either?
5. saviour, redeemer, it's the same thing, isn't it? Unless it's meant in a completely secular way, then I agree that saviour fits better.
6. That's one of those parts where a dictionary can only get one so far. How to know whether something means rather "senses" or "prudence", respectively "intellect" or "sanity"?
7. Sure, that comma makes it clearer.
8. Oh, thanks for that info. I actually have begun reading the Prose Edda, but I'm not yet at that part of it.
I'd still include that "mill" as it doesn't say "grotte" but "grottekvarn".
9. Heh, I guess I should have looked up "enligt" and "planen". But why "reducerad" to "obscured"? In the context of the mill I'd rather translate it as "powdered", "ground up" or something like that expressing a reduction in size.

azucarinho    Wed, 21/03/2018 - 09:06

We are lead kinda like a pack of sheep … led?
I hate the nice words / which deceive us … deceiving us ? [… the nice words from a cloven tongue deceiving us to …

Sciera    Wed, 21/03/2018 - 09:37

Thanks! Yep, that should be "led".
"which deceive us" / "deceiving us"... no idea which is better or whether it makes a difference.

Blueblood    Wed, 21/03/2018 - 10:01

1-3. Thumbs up
4. I suppose you're right about there being a fairly distinct difference there. I would argue that "till sist" ought to be translated as "at last" or "finally". Here are some professional translation websites that support my claim: http://sv.glosbe.com/sv/en/till%20sist and https://sv.bab.la/lexikon/svensk-engelsk/till-sist
5. Yes, they are synonyms, however, my reasoning as to why it ought to be "saviour" as opposed to "redeemer" is the complete opposite of yours. When reading and listening to scriptures or stuff relating to religion in Swedish, I've only ever heard the word "frälsaren" being used to refer to Jesus Christ and/or God, which goes along nicely with the song's overall theme of a godforsaken world. In English, I always hear "the saviour" being used religiously; not "the redeemer".
6. I'm mostly going off of instinct here. It sounds like the singer and/or the main character is berating people for their blind faith. If you tell someone that they're not listening to prudence and sanity, then those two words, in this context, can come off as almost sarcastic, which would turn the line into praise of the people for not listening to what others perceive to be sane or prudent. If you tell someone that they're not listening to their senses or intellect, it's obvious that you're berating them. That's just me, though.
7-8. Thumbs up
9. I don't even remember why I suggested "obscured", haha. I swear, I have the attention span of a squirrel hopped up on speed when I'm tired. Sorry about that. Your translation sounds better.

Sciera    Wed, 21/03/2018 - 17:50

4. Thanks, I'll change that then.
5. "redemption" is pretty much a religious concept (although it also has some quite distinct other meanings). But yeah, mostly interchangeable expressions.
6. Ah, I see, that makes sense.
I guess that's one for the footnotes then.