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Angel-Khranitel' (Ангел-Хранитель) (English translation)

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Proofreading requested
Russian

Angel-Khranitel' (Ангел-Хранитель)

Ночь притаилась у окна,
А в небе тонет тишина и звезды,
Мне не забыть твои глаза,
Хочу вернуть тебя назад, но поздно.
 
Припев:
Я слышу вновь твой нежный голос неземной,
Твоя печаль сейчас со мной,
Ангел-хранитель мой.
 
В доме моем погашен свет,
Я на вопрос ищу ответ напрасно,
Но почему в ночи пустой
Звезда свечой, звезда слезой погасла
 
Припев...
 
Ты одинок среди людей,
А значит будь судьбой моей, как прежде,
Ты даришь мне свое тепло,
Я обниму твое крыло в надежде,
 
Не воскресают чудеса,
когда молчат твои глаза и плачут,
Но прочитаю по губам,
Что новый день подарит нам удачу.
 
Припев:
Как нужен мне твой нежный голос неземной,
Твоя любовь всегда со мной,
Ангел-хранитель мой.
 
Submitted by LanguageLove on Sat, 01/02/2014 - 13:06
Last edited by Miley_Lovato on Sat, 22/09/2018 - 16:44
Align paragraphs
English translation

Guardian Angel

Night is lurking outside the window
while silence and stars drown in the sky.
I can't forget your eyes.
I'd like to bring you back, but it's too late.
 
(chorus)
I hear again your sweet otherwordly voice,
your sadness is with me now,
my guardian angel.
 
The lights are out in my house,
and I'm looking in vain for an answer.
Why did this star vanish into an empty night,
like a candle put out by a tear?
 
(chorus)
 
You're alone among people,
so become my destiny, like before.
I'll embrace your wing in hope.
 
Miracles don't come back1,
as your eyes remain silent and cry,
but I can read on your lips
that a new day will bring us good fortune.
 
(chorus)
I need your sweet otherwordly voice so much,
your love is always with me,
my guardian angel.
 
  • 1. "are not resurrected"
Submitted by Guest on Sun, 23/09/2018 - 09:43
Added in reply to request by Miley_Lovato
Author's comments:

That should be it, but I'd feel safer with a bit of native proofreading Regular smile

The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
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Comments
Igeethecat    Sun, 23/09/2018 - 15:28

Ну только чтобы попридираться, как просили:
you back from the past - sounds like he died, but she just wants him back Regular smile
otherwordly - is it even a word?

petit élève    Sun, 23/09/2018 - 15:34

agreed, "from the past" is more confusing than helpful Regular smile

well yes "otherwordly" (from another world) is pretty close to the Russian, I think. You can use it to describe something so beautiful it must come from angels: a voice, a music...

I was a bit worried about "Но почему в ночи пустой звезда свечой, звезда слезой погасла". Do you think I got it right?

Igeethecat    Sun, 23/09/2018 - 15:54

Yeah, I chocked on this line too. But it is just a “pretty saying” - so, why in the empty night a star died like a candle, why a tear put off a candle?
No idioms here, just metaphors
It’s just her way of saying that she wants him back Cry smile

BlackSea4ever    Sun, 23/09/2018 - 15:57

I think you got it beautifully. If I may suggest, simplify the sentence to something like this: why in the empty night a star like candle bright [was] by tears extinguished

petit élève    Sun, 23/09/2018 - 16:48

Thanks, and nice suggestion. I'll try to simplify it a bit then.

sandring    Sun, 23/09/2018 - 17:40

неземной - значит небесный a celestial voice, неземная красота - celestial beauty.

Упавшая или погасшая свеча - это к несчастью, звезда падает - нужно загадать желание, но она видит в этом malediction.

That's why a star fell down like a candle, the star faded away like a tear. (Instrumental Case used in the meaning of "as" or "like")

petit élève    Sun, 23/09/2018 - 17:50

ah well, so much for my advanced Russian Regular smile

Is there really no way the 2nd instrumental would mean "by a tear" then?

BlackSea4ever    Sun, 23/09/2018 - 17:55

No, it really says star was extinguished by tears

Igeethecat    Sun, 23/09/2018 - 23:47

Я абсолютно поддерживаю слёзный star extinguisher here
I hope it will not offend Star Wars fans Wink smile

Igeethecat    Sun, 23/09/2018 - 18:04

А где звезда падает? Насколько я вижу, её только как свечку тушат, причём не просто так, а слезами. Так, наверное, более душераздирающе Cry smile