Sopor Æternus & the Ensemble of Shadows - La prima vez (English translation)

English translation

The First Time

Versions: #1#2
At the first sight of you
I fell in love with your eyes
At the first sight of you
I fell in love with your eyes
 
Since that very moment I've been in love with you
Until the grave I shall love you !
 
Come closer, my dear
You, who has saved my life
Come closer, my dear
You, who has saved my life
 
Open up and tell me
Your life's secrets
 
At the first sight of you
I fell in love with your eyes
At the first sight of you
I fell in love with your eyes
 
Submitted by Radu Robert on Tue, 06/03/2018 - 12:58
Last edited by Radu Robert on Fri, 09/03/2018 - 15:44
Author's comments:

Personal and poetic touch added if not like be my guest to do another or leave.. Thx 1!!

4
Your rating: None Average: 4 (1 vote)
Ladino (Judeo-Spanish)

La prima vez

Sopor Æternus & the Ensemble of Shadows: Top 3
See also
Comments
phantasmagoria    Sat, 10/03/2018 - 15:27
4

Descubrite = reveal
there's no "whisper" in the original, it's "talk to me".

EDIT: I noticed changes have been made to the translation, after taking that into account and how the translation now flows a little better, I recast my vote to a 4.

sandring    Fri, 09/03/2018 - 14:50

I'm sorry, Ellen I don't agree with you here. Deskubrite is reflexive = reveal yourself (but the girl isn't a ghost). So the best option would be "open up to me and tell me the secrets of your life".

Radu, your use of tenses is a bit confusing. That's no problem. If you care to understand you may PM me and I'll gladly explain. Regular smile

phantasmagoria    Sat, 10/03/2018 - 14:40

I should have been more descriptive in what I meant:
reveal yourself = show yourself for who you are / not "reveal yourself" as if you're hiding in the shadows.

The two lines are one entire thing: Reveal to me, tell me of the secrets of your life (but that "and" persists there, it makes sense in Ladino or even Spanish if you want to put it that way, but makes no sense in English).

Ladino has Spanish roots, but often times than not Spanish words are believed to mean the same in Ladino, when it in fact doesn't. The tenses throughout this translation could be fixed, but it is up to the translator and if they say it is for artistic purposes, who am I to tell them that it is wrong?

sandring    Fri, 09/03/2018 - 14:43

The source lyrics have been updated. Please review your translation.

sandring    Sat, 10/03/2018 - 18:14

I side with you, Ellen, that "artistic purpose" is a lame excuse for a lame translation. It's a grave problem even in professional translation. How far can a translator go to express their own ego instead of getting the author's message across?

I've made a little research into Ladino, yes, it's a dying language. Then more care is needed to leave as much evidence of it as possible because it's people's history. And the more people understand the beauty of the language the better. Such users should be encouraged, Ellen. I don't deny that Robert's translation was far from perfect. But he likes Ladino and may improve while the rating puts a choker on him. Right now his translation is OK, we worked on it together and I explained things to him. I'm sure his next translation may be better. Then why four stars, Ellen? The translation is correct.

I would have done otherwise. I'd gather a group of users for Ladino and try to keep the language afloat through translating Ladino resources. You can't do everything alone, Ellen, you need followers and supporters because the mission is great.

phantasmagoria    Sat, 10/03/2018 - 18:19

I will send you the same PM I sent someone else about my reasons. I'm not trying to be the island that lights a single candle in the night, I welcome people's interest in the language as long as they come into it knowing that they can't always rely on Spanish (or any romance language) as a guide for it. This was a simple song, there are far more complex songs out there that have nothing but Hebrew translations or have never been transcribed online (those are rare, and I've been fortunate enough to be able to purchase books and LPs, or even resorted to transcribing it myself).

sandring    Sun, 11/03/2018 - 03:42

Yes, Ellen, that's exactly what I mean. You need a club of Ladino lovers and your helpers around. Good luck! Regular smile