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Partir (English translation)

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Proofreading requested
English translation

To get away

To get far away from society,
get away without losing a second,
without hard questions.
To get far away from society,
to get away for no reason but pointless ones
To get away, to follow a wave,
the one which will smother your murderous moods.
To get away, follow a wave,
that voice which complains in the depths of your chest.
 
To get away
and disobey.
To get away
and own oneself.
 
To get away with no poem,
get away, not for a week, but never to return.
Get away from the problem.
Destroying, it's not worth it any more, in fact it's better to run away.
To get away with no "I love you",
distance oneself from the theme of better and of worse.
get away, a strategem, we haven't known how to grow up since Methuselah.
 
To get away
and disobey.
To get away
and own oneself.
 
Pain in the depths of the heart, pain in the depths of time,
pain in the colour, hurt for our family,
hurt to brothers and sisters, hurt for our children,
pain in sorrow now
To get away
to get away
 
To get away
and disobey.
To get away
and own oneself.
 
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Submitted by michealt on Sun, 15/07/2018 - 23:27
Added in reply to request by Pinchface
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
French

Partir

More translations of "Partir"
Englishmichealt
See also
Comments
Sarasvati    Sun, 15/07/2018 - 23:39

Partir sans autre raison que des raisons futiles.>.to get away for no reason but pointless ones
...>to get away for no other reason than futility reasons (something like that)

michealt    Mon, 16/07/2018 - 00:19

Thanks Emilia, but no, that wouldn't be the right way of saying it.

"other" is redundant in the English, and "futiles" in French is an adjective which means "futile" or "pointless" (not "futility", which is a noun). Using "reasons" instead of "ones" in that context after using "reason" is not the way people speak or write English, and "no reason but" means exacly the same as "no other reason than" and is the form normally used. If "futility" in your suggestion was changed to "futile" (or to "pointless") it would be acceptable but rather verbose English (and particularly the repeat of "reason[s]" would sound clumsy). If I were trying for a singable version I would look for some way other than replacing "ones" with "reasons" to get the syllable count right, because quite apart from its clumsiness "reasons" has the wrong stress pattern at the end of the line - it would be better to allow "pointless" to cover three notes of the melody (two on "-less") and keep "ones" as the final stressed syllable.

ϕιλομαθής    Mon, 16/07/2018 - 14:01

Proofreading:
End of 3rd stanza: should it be a period after Methuselah?
5:1 - typo ...the depths

michealt    Mon, 16/07/2018 - 17:08

A period - the comma is my typo. And one of these days my fingers may stop hitting "teh" instead of "the" - that's probably the typo I make more often than any other typo. Maybe I never adapted to a flat keyboard: I learnt to type on a keyboard about 30 degrees to horizontal about 47 years ago, and since I started using a flat laptop about 30 years ago I hit a lot of wrong keys (or right keys in the wrong order.)

ϕιλομαθής    Mon, 16/07/2018 - 17:12

Don't feel bad Embarrassed smile  I haven't adapted to anything new in years.

Klou    Mon, 16/07/2018 - 18:01

line 2: maybe without wasting a second instead of "losing?"

In the 5th stanza "mal" isn't about bad/wrong, it's about hurt/pain Regular smile

michealt    Mon, 16/07/2018 - 19:56

5th stanza - yes, "bad" is wrong, thanks for pointing that out. But I prefer "losing" to "wasting", "wasting" doesn't really fit the context - there's nothing there right at the beginning that would waste time.