Hollow Hand - A World Outside (French translation)

Proofreading requested
French translation

Un monde là-dehors

Il y a un mode là-dehors que je ne perçois plus,
et je n'arrive plus à me décider.
Il y a une fille. Elle est gentille. Elle attend à la porte
et elle voudrait te rendre heureux à sa manière.
 
Tu as vu que tout m'ennuyait ?
Tu as vu que je dormais toute la journée ?
Je ne ressens plus rien.
Des souvenirs d'une autre époque.
C'est quand même dingue,
mais on trouve toujours une autre fille.
 
Et donc on est partis de chez nous pour essayer de tenir le coup1.
Est-ce que tu le voulais vraiment, ou tu croyais seulement bien faire ?
Moi ça va, et tu sais bien que tu as l'air ok.
Mais j'écoute quand même ce morceau tous les soirs.
 
Tu as vu que tout m'ennuyait ?
Tu as vu que je dormais toute la journée ?
Je ne ressens plus rien.
Des souvenirs d'une autre époque.
C'est presque impossible à croire,
mais on trouve toujours une autre fille.
 
Autre temps, autre lieu.
Ne laisse pas les obstacles s'accumuler.
L'herbe est toujours plus verte...
 
Je suis parti
et il y a tout un mode là-dehors.
J'ai pris mon billet.
Tout un monde m'attend,
et je suis parti.
 
  • 1. ??? je ne suis pas sûr de comprendre cette phrase
This translation does not claim to be of any particular value.
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You can reuse it as you please.
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Submitted by petit élève on Fri, 29/06/2018 - 08:38
Added in reply to request by neige
The author of translation requested proofreading.
It means that he/she will be happy to receive corrections, suggestions etc about the translation.
If you are proficient in both languages of the language pair, you are welcome to leave your comments.
English

A World Outside

Please help to translate "A World Outside"
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Comments
petit élève    Fri, 29/06/2018 - 08:39

Hey @Gavin, could you check this for me? I think I get the general idea, but somehow this English sounds a bit odd.

Gavin    Fri, 29/06/2018 - 09:52

Sure - all looks pretty good!

The 'you' in the first verse - I think this is a rather general 'you' - In fact it's probably rather more the 'I' that she wants to make happy. (like he's addressing himself)Could it be made more vague? Or could the 'tu' be understood similarly?

Blows my mind - is there something a bit more idiomatic available? Cela m'a bluffé/depassé - ça me troue le cul? Ok, maybe not that one. Wink smile

Hold it down - yep I think you've nailed that. It means 'keep it all together'.

Well spotted on 'always' greener Regular smile

Yep, it all seems fine to me with just those couple of things to consider but nothing that needs to change.

petit élève    Fri, 29/06/2018 - 10:11

"te rendre heureux" is about the same as in English. I don't see any way to be more vague.

"ça m'a troué le cul" is the idea, but that would be a bit like "it fucked me sideways" Regular smile
I tried to use something a bit more casual though.

Gavin    Fri, 29/06/2018 - 10:21

All good then - they were the only things I found to ponder. Regular smile

I've had a go at that song we were talking about. Just posted it though so may be subject to tweaking...